It’s been awhile since I’ve felt the need to write anything but I just realized Christmas is only a few days away. You might wonder “How could you just realize that?” Well, when biology gets the better of you no matter how hard you try to overcome its effects. You can lose track of all time & dates. I haven’t really ventured outside since late November.
Depression & Anxiety isn’t something to be sloughed off as minor or treated as something as lightly as a head cold. No, you don’t take two aspirin & the head ache goes away so to speak. Often no matter what you may try your bodies biology just won’t cooperate when you want or need it to. I’ve often fought with accepting those labels because I didn’t want to become my mother who also suffered from the same situation.
Funny how you spend your early years vowing not to become your parents & then one day you are kinda like your parents….once again I digress & that’s a Whoooole other post anyway.
It’s rather odd that in some respects I don’t miss anything from the outside world. I mean my place is filled with windows all over the place where I can watch a great deal of things. But when it comes to actually leaving the safety & comfort of my own home it freezes me dead in my tracks. I mean outside among people is where I “kinda” want to be but for right now it’s just a terrifying proposition.
So far since November I’ve made it to see The Rockettes which was a truly wonderful night. I had to really out think myself to do it but it was wonderful. Once the evening came to an end all I wanted to do was run home as soon as possible. I’ve made it to my therapists office twice & the same results. Last evening I had run out of coffee so luckily Starbucks is only 1.5 blocks away so that was a quick sprint out & back. Quickly firing off photos along the way. A great deal of photographers shoot several of the same subject & then choose the best of the lot. I’m not so lucky, I don’t have the luxury of time. I see something I like, I frame up that one shot & shoot. Fun in a way but certainly not where I want to be as I work on my craft.
Whoever is reading this may think its all gloom & doom & it’s really not. I have cycles, they come, they go, in the end biology decides when to get back in sync with how I want things to be & then I’m on my merry way again.
For today…I battle with it & it battles with me..