Words of wisdom from a retiring co-worker…

“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway”.

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway”.

“If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway”.

“If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway”.

“What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway”.

“If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway”.

“The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway”.

“Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you got anyway”.

“You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway”.

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Find my photos here…

robertz120 on 500px

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I need to find a photo blog theme for this thing…

This gallery contains 29 photos.

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What’s old is new again…

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt compelled to sum up my day but there has been an area of my life that’s had a hole in it for quite some time.  Today it was repaired & as a result the program of A.A. was renewed within my spirit.

I had gotten away from a particular meeting that I was heavily involved with because of some “perceptions” about a few individuals.  Rather than talk them out person to person my ego & grandiosity got in the way of repairing not only a close friendship with this person but the group in general.  Eventually I got to the point where I felt I can “manage things on my own” or “Yeah, I get it, don’t pick up a drink, ok, no problem”.  Well…that’s not going to last forever before you become certifiably whacko again.

Over the past few months I had been wondering why I hated everyone, everything, every place.  “How dare those two hipster chicks in front of me with two new innocent babies take up the sidewalk with their strollers side by side!” or “How dare that person walk down the street texting not see me coming down the street & move?” (when I can clearly see they don’t see me & I could just as easily move aside avoiding being crabby all together…)  I mean, I’ve been one giant walking breathing mass of self entitlement & craziness for goodness sake!!  I guess The real questions should have been “Who do you think you are that you can keep on living your life letting things push you closer to the edge & somehow do it alone?” or “Why in all the years of A.A.’s history do you think you are some how unique?”  The answers?  I can’t & I’m not.

You hear what you’re supposed to hear when you’re supposed to hear it when it comes to A.A. meetings, it’s an old saying & one that I firmly believe.  I believe if your heart & soul are truly open to what is being said…you’ll hear the message, the message you’re meant to hear.  When you’re at that place you don’t need to struggle to make sense of the lingo & you don’t have to struggle to understand what’s being said by people, you just “get it”.

For instance the common theme today, & thank god it’s the theme I was needing to find an answer to, was hearing everyone talking about getting away from A.A. & eventually relapsing.  Not that I want to benefit from other folks relapses but I needed to hear that this path of “Self-Sufficiency” can only last for so long before it ultimately ends in ruin.  I have too much to lose to risk doing it my way.  I don’t have another bottom left in me.  Not to sound overly dramatic but I just don’t & trust me, when you know that in your gut, that’s actually a healthy thing.

The other simple honest truth is I missed a lot of people from this meeting that I got to re-connect with today.  People who greeted me with a genuine hugs & I mean a reeaalll hugs & heartfelt wishes of “I’m so glad to see you again!” or “It’s great to see you’re ok!” etc. that it touched my soul.

When I first came in to Trinity Church just shy of my 2nd year anniversary I didn’t think I was going to make it.  The people in that group welcomed me with open arms, hearts & minds & I learned a lot about myself in that group.  It’s the group I’ve always considered my first & only real group regardless of other meetings I’ve gone to.  It’s the group that I’ve always known I can count on when all else fails me.  Today proved that in spades.

Today I’m grateful that I chose to return to my old routine & old group.  It’ll be nice to have an anchor in my day to look forward to and build my day around.  I had forgotten how something as simple as that can be such a powerful antidote to completely irrational anger to the craziness that is called life.

Thank you my old friend Trinity Church, I’m happy to have a renewed our connection.

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Marathon Day, So Many Inspirations…

I love Marathon day, sometimes I forget I love Marathon day because it’s not like I plan for it or anything.  It’s one of those days where if timing works out right I end up along the route, somewhere, and I get swept up in the celebration for lack of another word.

It’s been a few years since I’ve ventured down to the actual route.  Ever since my office location has changed I tend to avoid the area now. I used to have a view to be envied at 500 Boylston Street that looked right down on the route & it was fantastic.  It was a fantastic view year round of course but it was especially nice to be able to work, watch the Marathon, chat with co workers when the dropped by, to MY window, Lol, & it was a day we all enjoyed together.  One year a co worker, Aubrey, ran the Marathon & we put each letter of her name in the individual window panes so when she looked up she knew we were all cheering her on.  At the end she looked up, saw us & we got the thumbs up.  Ahh…good times.

I hadn’t planned on going down to the route today but as it is with all good things, everything happens for a reason & timing strikes when the time is right.  So…I hopped in the shower, grabbed the camera & off I went.  No real destination in mind, just go wherever my feet took me.  As I was walking through the Prudential I was faced with going straight ahead or making a left turn towards the Sheraton & exiting out near Kings Lanes.  I made a left & I’m glad I did or who knows what would have transpired.

I jostled my way towards the corner of Hereford & Boylston streets.  I hadn’t really thought of it but it’s the last little up hill portion before all the runners make a left turn & finally have the finish line in sight, down hill which has to be a welcome reward for them at that point.

The top runners came through as the normally do.  Very determined, focused & not looking like they just ran 26 miles.  Then the rest of the runners started coming through.  The runners who train all year & aren’t in it for the win like the elites, they’re in it for the personal win.  I suppose I could recount each individual I saw today who inspired me but that would take forever.

I will say this though.  The wheel chair racers feeding off the cheers of the crowd to pull them up that last little corner when their arms were on empty inspired me.  The man who didn’t have to stop & help another runner to his feet so he could finish but did.  They inspired me.  I mean this poor guy who literally had no gas left in his tank & legs buckled mere blocks from the finish.  He would have been devastated if he had gotten that close only to have EMS take him away.  What an act of selflessness to the guy who knew that & helped him finish!

Don’t think I’m taking up running btw if you’ve read this far.  I’m not built for that.  But, I can share in the spirit of setting a goal for yourself & doing whatever it takes to make it to your own personal finish line.

As I heard one of the runners say on local TV today.  “You’re never too old to set a goal & see yourself achieve it to the end.”

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“Fantastic is my new O.K….”

Hello internet, how have you been?  I’ve been utilizing you pretty much most of my waking life lately, I hope you don’t mind?  Me?  “I’m O.K….right where I should be with life, kinda like Goldilocks.”

“Fantastic!” is my new O.K.  As I return home from my CPA who’s doing my taxes for me I’ve realized that O.K. is actually Fantastic.  I don’t know what I expected when I decided to buy my place last year at this time.  It was stressful, un-certain, exciting & sometimes beyond infuriating.  However, I knew it was time to begin a new chapter in my life  & so I ventured in to the great unknown.

A full year has passed & nothing remarkable has happened.  I mean, I’ve settled in to a comfortable cycle of online bill paying.  I’ve settled in to a never ending battle of recycling junk mail & vehemently getting my name removed from their list.  And I’ve settled in to a life of very routine & some might say mundane activities that translate in to “O.K.”

I guess what I’m struck with today as I walked back from her office was how at ease I am with things.  Sure I’m going to owe the IRS a huge chunk of change but it doesn’t panic me.  “How could that be?” I thought.  How is it that I’m so totally O.K with things that O.K. really means I’m super-freaking-FANTASTIC?  How is that leading a life of pretty ordinary activities leaves me at ease?  The answer?  I’m no longer fearful of no drama, no longer fearful of things unknown, no longer fearful that I won’t know how to find the answer to a particular problem.

Let me clarify that last statement.  That doesn’t mean I’m completely without fear.  What it means is the chaos that I was used to living in on a daily basis has been replaced.  As a survivor of a chaotic childhood which contributed to my alcoholism.  Daily chaos & drama was all I knew, it was the norm.  I had no clue how to live any other way & even when I made half hearted attempts it felt odd, not O.K, not normal & pretty darn uncomfortable.

Today my old fear, the fear of “daily life”, has been so gratefully replaced with ordinary day to day stuff.  Stuff that other folks reading this have probably been living as part of their daily lives for a very long time.  For me, it took some time to be O.K. with a life of just O.K…sounds odd but I can’t describe it any other way.

Even with my back incident I have to say I can’t find any reason to gripe about any of it.  Yeah it sucked for a bit & there are still things to do about that but when I take time & look around me & see people I don’t even know on the subway or walking down the street.  I have to realize that I’m going to be O.K & that’s better than most can say these days.

So in all this O.K.’ness…I really should reply with “Fantastic!” the next time someone asks me “How are you?” to which I can honestly reply “I’m fantastic! Thanks for asking.”

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Practice Posting From Starbucks on iPhone

If I’m going realize my dream of working for myself then I’ll need to harness all the technology I can access. I’ve begun following some fascinating, and not so fascinating, blogs lately & I think I can learn a great deal from them.

Everything from photography, music & art to the occassional inspirational quote here & there is all doable. Now I just need to read, absorb & learn everything I can so I can make this enormous life change a reality. It may not be perfect but it’s better than the corporate grind I find myself mired in today. ~R

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